ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
