At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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