he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
