We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
