i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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