i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
