just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
