Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
