my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
