He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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