I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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