do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
