I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
