woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
