Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
