I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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