Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
