K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
