I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
