im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
