please come you make the beer taste better
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
