I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
