you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
