Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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