um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
