Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
