I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
