my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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