last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
