By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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