Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
