Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
