I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
