He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
