I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
