I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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