I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
