Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
