WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My pussy is not your playground.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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