your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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