Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
