I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
