Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
