What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think my moral compass just broke
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize