we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
