When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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