You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
