***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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