I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
