highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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