I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
