I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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