so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
