Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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