You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
