I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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