I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
