I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
