You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
