So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
