after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
