so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Im part way to drunk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
