please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
