Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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