On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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