You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
