I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
